Beyond Hookups

Sorry I haven't updated you sooner! It's harder than I thought to keep up with these postings! A few quick things to note: I've changed the name of my blog to Beyond Bromance, I think it's a bit catchier haha. The other thing is that something came up on Thursday for both me and the guy so we both had to cancel. Such is life right! But we are going out tonight!

So who is this guy that I've decided to date? Let's call him C. Yes, we met on ManHunt because to be honest at the time we were both just looking for a hook up. This was late December shortly before Christmas. We messaged a lot online and then started to text even more. C is from Europe and he was here visiting for the holidays and new years. Unfortunately things got pretty crazy right before Christmas with work and family things and we both couldn't meet up. He went home after new years so we've been communicating long distance since then. I think that this was actually fortunate that we didn't meet because it kind of forced us to keep txting, talking on the phone and - yes we did sext each other a lot but in between those sessions we've chatted about life and gotten to know each other better.

You might be thinking I'm insane! How could you date a guy that's across an ocean, in a different country, that's 5 hours ahead of you in time!? C is actually moving here in March for work! He's here this weekend to finalize his moving plans and to buy furniture...which I guess I'm invited to tag along with him to provide style advice?! I'll update you on how that goes haha! C is a really great guy, he's really successful, close with his family and he's not bad to look at either ;)  He also has a great sense of humor which is a big thing for me, if you can't laugh at life, laugh at yourself once in a while you're taking life way to seriously for me.

C asked me out when he knew that he was coming back this weekend. He's made reservations and all that but what's cute and funny is that he hasn't told me where we are going yet? Haha! Nor the time when we are suppose to meet...some of you might think that's unnerving but I'm a really easy, out going adventurous social guy so this is right up my alley.

I'm really interested to see where this goes, C and I have agreed to just take this slow, one step at a time. He's really supportive about making me feel comfortable about my not being out. He asked me the other day: "So when we meet what do we do? Shake hands? LOL!" It had been something I had been thinking about a lot actually. I said let's start with a hand shake, but the more I thought about it the more comfortable I was with just going for gold and kissing him hello! I chatted with a friend of mine who was also a hook up buddy about it and he told me to just kiss him because I'm a great kisser! LOL! I mentioned this to him and even he was surprised! We'll see what I actually do today when I see him.

We both feel that regardless of how this pans out we will be friends no matter what happens which makes me feel good. He makes me feel good in general, I know this sounds like a generic statement but he really is a great guy, the things that he says, I can't believe I'm typing this but the things that he says tugs at my heart stings...he gives me butterflies! Like I said last post I've never been so nervous about meeting someone or a first date!

I think the thing that's making me most nervous is the fact that I've never been with a guy in a relationship. I've dated plenty of women and as we all know those traditional roles have been around since time began! I'm the type of guy who usually pays when I go out with a girl, takes care of her - you know the type of guy I mean! Now C has said to me both being funny but serious, that he is taking me out and he's paying and if I don't go along with it, things will get ugly haha! I've just sort of accepted it and moved on in hopes that I'll be able to return the favor.

Be Well

Beyond Male Bonding

I'm yet another 25 year old closet case. No one knows I'm bi except for two very close friends of mine who I only just recently told about my nocturnal activities with members of the same sex. Needless to say I've never had a deep connection with a guy I've hooked up with beyond that sort of shallow friendship you develop with a fuck buddy you've seen more than twice. For me it's due to the nagging fear that if I really open up I'm letting him in to know who I really am: where I work, what my interests are, where I live, what I did over the weekend...for me that's creating a liability, a loose cannon that at any moment could blow my cover to the world! Paranoid I know but this is the life I've chosen to lead! 

So I choose to lead this crazy double life that no one knows about. I've only date girls, to me that's the only option. To find that one special girl who will make my heart sing, who I will marry, we'd both have great jobs, the house with the white fence, the 2.5 kids and a dog. Since I was a little boy this is what I've known to be the perfect family, it's what I see with my parents, with some of my relatives and my friends parents all the time. Now here's the kicker - my folks are high school sweethearts! A lot to live up to! But what's great is that my parents are incredibly cool and pretty much as up to date as parents go. I drink and shoot the shit with them every Sunday during Mom's Famous Sunday Dinners. They totally understand that the world has changed since they were young and it will take some effort and time to find the right girl for me etc etc. So I continue my search for this girl all the while hooking up with guys confusing myself further.

More recently I had a great relationship with this girl for about seven months, things were going well we were on the serious track to long term when something just didn't feel right. I wasn't in love and to be honest I don't know if I ever was. I got caught up in how great our relationship looked on paper - we were an amazing match, both successful, great families, catholic, liked dogs - the works! However, my roommate (he's one of the two that knows about my bisexuality) made this great point: He said I was stuck in this limbo feeling, you're not in love, you don't hate her, you have a good time because on paper you match really well, but why isn't there that love spark if you are so right for each other? It means you weren't meant to be. That really hit home, I wasn't happy so I ended the relationship and I'm went back to being single and looking for "The One".

Now, I've had my fair share of male hook ups, more recently I've been able to become more like friends with one or two of them which is still a work in progress. With the help of my roommate and reading Blurred's Blog "Closet Case 3498", I've come to the realization that if I don't try these things out I'll never truly know what will make me happy in life. That may mean I need to adjust my notion of a perfect family. Maybe that means I find a man I fall in love with and adopt kids or whatever...I simply realized that I need to be more open to finding what will make me happy, what will give me that feeling of total fulfillment.

That being said...I'm jumping off the deep end...I'm going to start dating a guy and this blog will help me organize my thoughts about what happens. I hope to provide closeted guys out there with a first hand account of what they could expect when dating a guy for the first time. Granted I am not going to be dating entirely openly but you get the idea. I also hope that the readers of this blog will comment and provide insight from their personal experiences as well.

I mentioned that two very close friends know who I really am, I wanted to take a moment to thank them. Without these two people I wouldn't have the strength to take this next step in my life.

Our first date is Thursday night so I hope to post one more time before then to describe the situation going into the date! I don't think I've ever been this nervous in my life!

Be Well